Farewell Indeed

“Where have you been all these years?” There was not a drop of emotion in his tone.

I was never one to tell a person I just saw after how many years everything. “Away… Doing some stuff,” I replied, matching his voice’s monotony. It had been years since I last saw his face, almost 10years. Here I was, at 25, juggling many part-time jobs and trainings that the stress seemed to pile up so I decided to take the weekend off and hit the beach. Who knew that he’d end up on the same beach as I. I heaved a heavy sigh and stared at the sea’s infinite blue.

“Why did you go,” he asked me. He asked me this before, I remember. “I thought you loved me… Then what’s the whole idea of running away with him?”

I gave him the same answer that I gave him 9 years back. “I’m sorry about that.” What was I supposed to say, anyway? Nothing was going to change the way I treated him in the past and asking me the same old questions won’t correct my past mistakes.

Like many girls in high school, I adored the idea of being in a relationship with a guy. I liked the attention, the sweet nothings, and mushy conversations. These made me happy. But unlike others who get bitten by the love bug, I don’t dive in with my whole heart unguarded. I don’t enter a relationship with promises of forever and commitment, because I was a fickle girl and I always put my own interests ahead of anyone else’s. He was my first boyfriend, one who I didn’t intend to have as my last. This was all just a teenage phase to me. Unfortunately, we weren’t on the same wavelength there. And as fickle as I was, I left him for someone else with whom I took interest upon.

“How are you two now?”

I answered him with all honesty. “We two broke up couple of years back... We never worked out.” He must have thought that I was the same old dreamy-eyed fickle-minded girl that he was with almost 10 years ago, knowing I still didn’t end up with the guy I replaced him with. But time has a way of changing people and their perceptions. Time allows us to grow, become wiser, more mature, and let go of our childish pasts. “He just wasn’t the one for me. I guess, I was looking for something else, something I didn’t know was very much within reach during those days.”

I looked at him and I don’t know if there was a moment when a certain emotion showed on his face. But whatever it was, it left as fast as it came. I then saw an approaching figure behind him. I smiled. He must have been confused with this because he turned around only to be shocked to see a face of slight familiarity approach us.

“Dear, I’ve been looking all over for you,” the man approaching said. “Everyone else is waiting by the cottage.”

I looked at the man I was conversing with, the man who was once part of a very distant past and said, “I would like you to meet… my fiancée.”

Sunkissed

I'll never leave you
A promise spoken without hesitation
The moment the sun kissed the ocean
The moment he made her believe she was the one
The sun bade her goodbye and the moon gave her no direction
As the night slowly set in, bidding her to rest
And when she opened her eyes
No one was there when she called out his name


Morning finally came.




created on: 10/11/08

My favorite among the poems I've written. Done while chilling with Farrah and Mithi at Bo's Katips. This was the final addition to my portfolio in Creative Writing 10 under Carljoe Javier

I Fade With Yesterday

It seems like only yesterday
That you had your arms
Wrapped around me
In the back of a cab
I still remember your warmth
You long for mine when I’m gone
But yesterday is history
And though I want it back
Reality won’t let me
Someone else holds my place
You no longer need me
You’ve got her
I didn’t ask to be replaced
Nor did you plan to
But even if you tell me I’m not
You know it’s not what we see
You’ve got her now
She makes you happy
And I fade into history
The way yesterday did

The Need, The Want, The Sad Truth

When I'm all alone, a thousand thoughts float in head. A certain sadness just slowly envelopes me and the next thing I know, I'm once again down in the dumps.
Every heart yearns for something. Mine yearns for the simple things, and yet as simple as they can get, they're way beyond my reach.
I just want to feel the warmth of another person's body beside me. His body close enough so that I could snuggle next to him and feel a sense of security. I want to lie with him on the grass or on the roof just to watch the stars. I'll let him hold me close, and I won't care if he wont' say a word. His company is enough. That's as simple as my heart's desire can get. But it's an impossible thing to attain and there's no use hoping for such thing.
It makes me cry to think that there aren't much people who'd be worthy to be part of that dream. Anyone can watch the stars with you. But not just anyone can make you feel truly wanted, loved, and cared for. To others, this mushy request is a joke. That fact crushes my heart, and shatters it to tiny pieces. Fortunately, not to the point where they're beyond repair because this little girl has learned a few lessons along the way when it comes to dreaming and wishing. And she has used what she has learned very well.