Farewell Indeed

“Where have you been all these years?” There was not a drop of emotion in his tone.

I was never one to tell a person I just saw after how many years everything. “Away… Doing some stuff,” I replied, matching his voice’s monotony. It had been years since I last saw his face, almost 10years. Here I was, at 25, juggling many part-time jobs and trainings that the stress seemed to pile up so I decided to take the weekend off and hit the beach. Who knew that he’d end up on the same beach as I. I heaved a heavy sigh and stared at the sea’s infinite blue.

“Why did you go,” he asked me. He asked me this before, I remember. “I thought you loved me… Then what’s the whole idea of running away with him?”

I gave him the same answer that I gave him 9 years back. “I’m sorry about that.” What was I supposed to say, anyway? Nothing was going to change the way I treated him in the past and asking me the same old questions won’t correct my past mistakes.

Like many girls in high school, I adored the idea of being in a relationship with a guy. I liked the attention, the sweet nothings, and mushy conversations. These made me happy. But unlike others who get bitten by the love bug, I don’t dive in with my whole heart unguarded. I don’t enter a relationship with promises of forever and commitment, because I was a fickle girl and I always put my own interests ahead of anyone else’s. He was my first boyfriend, one who I didn’t intend to have as my last. This was all just a teenage phase to me. Unfortunately, we weren’t on the same wavelength there. And as fickle as I was, I left him for someone else with whom I took interest upon.

“How are you two now?”

I answered him with all honesty. “We two broke up couple of years back... We never worked out.” He must have thought that I was the same old dreamy-eyed fickle-minded girl that he was with almost 10 years ago, knowing I still didn’t end up with the guy I replaced him with. But time has a way of changing people and their perceptions. Time allows us to grow, become wiser, more mature, and let go of our childish pasts. “He just wasn’t the one for me. I guess, I was looking for something else, something I didn’t know was very much within reach during those days.”

I looked at him and I don’t know if there was a moment when a certain emotion showed on his face. But whatever it was, it left as fast as it came. I then saw an approaching figure behind him. I smiled. He must have been confused with this because he turned around only to be shocked to see a face of slight familiarity approach us.

“Dear, I’ve been looking all over for you,” the man approaching said. “Everyone else is waiting by the cottage.”

I looked at the man I was conversing with, the man who was once part of a very distant past and said, “I would like you to meet… my fiancée.”

Untitled

[This] poem's for the one who reads it,
For she who laughs,
For she who cries,
For the girl I spent my heart with.

Her charm would attract many a man,
Those red lips pressed for perfection,
Her cute cheeks are the envy of women,
Still, those lips got my attention.

My eyes have often wandered,
With other women I may have lingered,
But at the end of each day, I just gotta say,
It is she who makes me better.

Though at times I made her sad,
It wasn't on purpose, hope she won't let go,
And when her day is just bad,
I try to comfort her in ways that I know.

So talk to me, tell me all,
We could always hold on, there is no need to fall,
Release your emotions,
I would take it all...


[DiX] [05/16/09]

~created by a very close friend. =) intentionally raw.

Sunkissed

I'll never leave you
A promise spoken without hesitation
The moment the sun kissed the ocean
The moment he made her believe she was the one
The sun bade her goodbye and the moon gave her no direction
As the night slowly set in, bidding her to rest
And when she opened her eyes
No one was there when she called out his name


Morning finally came.




created on: 10/11/08

My favorite among the poems I've written. Done while chilling with Farrah and Mithi at Bo's Katips. This was the final addition to my portfolio in Creative Writing 10 under Carljoe Javier

I Fade With Yesterday

It seems like only yesterday
That you had your arms
Wrapped around me
In the back of a cab
I still remember your warmth
You long for mine when I’m gone
But yesterday is history
And though I want it back
Reality won’t let me
Someone else holds my place
You no longer need me
You’ve got her
I didn’t ask to be replaced
Nor did you plan to
But even if you tell me I’m not
You know it’s not what we see
You’ve got her now
She makes you happy
And I fade into history
The way yesterday did

Barely Legal

To the readers of my blog posts, you might have read my "Bye Bye, Sweet Sixteen" entry. If you didn't, read it. Well, now, I'll be saying goodbye to being seventeen in roughly four months. Ack! I'm turning 18 and I haven't killed anyone yet! Haha! Kidding, I may not go to jail (since juvenile prison does not exist here) but I'll be kicked out from UP Kong Mahal. So, no to the killing. But anyway, being 18 means more responsibilities, right? I could be a guardian, I'm finally an adult! Ain't that cool! Drinking would be legal! I can have a professional driver's license! Wow! But... I don't want to be 18 yet. I loved being 17, more that I loved being 16. As a 17-year-old, I wasn't emo. I wasn't caught up in heavy teenage drama. I was living the way every person should: light and easy, with no worries. Hakuna Matata! I went through the year happy and almost problem-free (almost since academics and jerks still exist in this era). I finally found true friends (charing. ang mga feeler diyan na may right maging feeler, ang inyuhang atay, bantaya). I finally had a taste of independence. I finally got to do everything I wanted to do. I enjoyed my eight months of seventeen-dom.
Well, I've got a few months left, might as well make the most of it. I still plan to do more crazy stuff. Heii, I'm still a kid, I have that right!

0411 (Editted Version)

Closed rooms, empty stalls

No more music through these halls

Corridors owned by the silence

No more footsteps from rowdy students

The white concrete is cold

Classes these rooms no longer hold

The old red brick hushed

No more tales of long-forgotten memories to spill with each touch

No more couples to see walking side by side in the pathwalks,

No more howling and ball-dribbling in the gym,

No more sweet noises to surround my being

I look at the green field and still see people playing

Their voices in my ears ringing

But the images are vague, the sound faint

That’s all that’s left when I came

Sadly, it just wasn’t the same

[this was the version after a workshop in my CW10 class under CJ Javier]

0411

Closed rooms, empty halls
No more music heard through these walls
Corridors owned by the silence
No more footsteps from noisy students
The white walls are cold
Classes the rooms no longer hold
The brick walls are hushed
No more tales to spill with each touch
I still see people playing
Their voices, in my ears, still ringing
But the images are vague, the sound faint
A nostalgic rush brought about by a trip down memory lane


--had the urge to write this down when I visited Pisay last April 11.ü--